Hi mammy, what’s the craic?
Mammy do you know how to?
Mammy will you?
Mammy guess what?
These are the beginnings of majority of phone calls I made to my mum every single day.
Maybe two or three times a day too. She always answered “Hi Pet” or “Yes Jade” apart from when she was at bingo and even then she would pick up the odd day. Always there on the other end of the call. To answer and to talk to.
Since she died two weeks ago I’ve gone to pick up the phone several times a day to call her and I get so frustrated, cause I know she won’t ever answer, ever again.
For 33 years she has been my go to, my number one for everything. Anything I needed, absolutely anything she was the first port of call.
Mammy pushed me through everything she was my motivation to get out of bed for school during my troubled teenage years. She pushed me through college, she guided me throughout my first pregnancy, my second, third and fourth. She reared my first baby when I was tired. She sewed a dress when it was too long, heck she would make me a dress if I needed it. Man she would do anything and only when I became a mother I realised why she did all that.
She encouraged me to take chances, she was my number one supporter for everything I ever did. When I wrote stories and poems, she was always so proud! She allowed me to express my inner interior designer from I was a teenager, she let me paint and upcycle everything in the house. She was so cool, she allowed all my friends to hang out with the music blaring. Nothing would seem to much hassle.
She was the wildest craic, she was always smiling and laughing. If you went to the shop she would stand chatting for ages. She was open, honest and very outgoing. She wouldn’t mince her words and if you didn’t look good in something she would soon let you know. Then if you did good she would scream it from the roof top.
She worried, always worried where we ok and where we safe. Anytime we’d go on holidays you would have to check in night and day.
She listened, she scolded, she held my hand when I was scared. She hugged me when I was sad, reassured me when I needed it. She loaned me money even though she had to put off something for herself.
I called her night and day. She was a big snuggly blanket that made you feel secure, safe and loved. Just the way mums strive to be, she was everything and more.
She raised me and my sisters to the best she could and put us first always. Right up until the end, we were her number one priority.
It’s not to say I’m only realising her worth in gold now, cause I’m not I knew there would come a day when she would be gone but my God I only thought I was prepared.
Every body dies, it’s a fact of life but when it happens even though your ready its unbelievable hard. I’m lost and the only person in the world I would call during these hard times is gone. I just want to talk to my mammy. I want to tell her it sucks and I want to tell her again for the millionth time she’s my best friend and I love her to pieces.
Mammy raised five girls, she was our referee, she made us become best friends. She prepared us for everything in life. How to have manners, how to enjoy life. How to pay bill’s, how to save money. She just never prepared us for life with out her.
But then that’s something can never be taught.
If she could answer just one more time I would say, “Mammy how will I do this with out you? I just don’t know if I can.” I know what she would say. “You just will Jade, you got to be strong for your wee ones and enjoy every second with them as life is too short, before you know it they will be adults. Love you pet, now don’t be worrying and don’t be sad.”
If only it was that easy mammy.
This is my first blog she will never read and its really sore but she always told me to write from the heart. She always encouraged me to tell my story to help others, so thats what I do.
I love you mammy now and forever. I will miss you more than you or I could ever have known. I hope and pray that you and Tara are together again and your getting all the love and attention you deserve in heaven.
You were simply the best.